Dealing with Difficult Coworkers

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If you work in an organization, no matter how large or small, you may run into the problem of handling a difficult coworker.  The problems usually center around personalities.  How do you deal with such a person?  Here are a few tips.

First of all, it is important to look at the problem not as a nebulous personality conflict, but as specific behaviors that need to be changed.  Another thing to remember is to take care of the problem early, rather than letting it continue.  These kinds of things tend to develop over time, so taking care of them early may prevent future headaches.  Both people involved influence each other’s behavior, so both people share the blame for the situation.

Focusing on blame is also counterproductive.  The focus in these situations should be on what you can do to make things better.  You have little control over the other person, so you need to ask yourself, what am I doing to contribute to the problem and what can I do to improve the situation?

One approach to try would be to sit down with the person when both of you are calm, and in a courteous tone, ask for suggestions to improve the relationship.  Then you need to listen attentively to show them that you are really interested in what they have to say.  If the conversation is going well, you might mention a specific behavior of the other person that is causing annoyance and discuss how it can be addressed.

Try to avoid any angry or rude behavior in responding to the other person, as this most likely will make the situation worse.  You should be firm in setting limits, but avoid any eye-rolling or big sighing.

Also, avoid complaining about the person or running them down to other people.  Gossip also does nothing to solve the problem.  It also usually only makes it worse, again by focusing on the blame game, rather than working things out in a positive way.

If the situation has deteriorated to such an extent that a conversation with your coworker is unlikely to help, it might help to go to the manager and explain the problem.  This should be done as objectively as possible, in a spirit of fairness and working out a problem, not in casting blame.

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